My journey has seen many ups and downs but I am feeling satisfied that I am leaving on my own terms.
— Shahid Afridi (@SAfridiOfficial) December 21, 2014
took an off dayseems i din have to
Turns out no one actually worked…
everyone sort of had a sort of off day
was super tired
n head was hurting
eyes n head been misfuntioning for two days now
the haze prolly
and had no story either… Continue reading knockknockknock… time2go… knockknockknock… time2go… knockkn…
“I’m tired of all this ‘Voice of the voiceless thing’,” somebody (who’ll probably not want to be named and this is not a news report so why do the name changed thing) said somewhere sometime today.
“Voice of the voiceless,” is something that’s what we’re always supposed to be…like it’s been drummed into our system ever since we started ‘journalism’ or picked up a camera to ‘do something’, to ‘make a difference.’ It’s like listed in our syllabus. (It’s listed right at the beginning somewhere cuz even I was in the class and I dropped out pretty early). I think it comes at number two or three under ‘Functions of the press’.
Everything we do is supposed to be this “Voice of the voiceless”. Everyone in this business you meet is looking for that story of the people whose stories have remained unknown. And you have to look at the intensity of the people, especially photographers… the people who capture those pictures that speak a thousand words, and you feel for these people without voices. A thousand bloody words. And some stories are like a coupla more thousand words. But, as I said a moment ago..
(SHYT, I cannot think up this part here. So brb on that… .like in about a year or two or more, if I’m still alive)
So, do we actually give a fuck about these voiceless? Do we actually care about their lives and their suffering and their misery? I think not. Really!
I mean sometimes we may actually ‘feel’ for them while other times we convince our selves for sometime that we do. But what we really care about is that a picture that’s worth a thousand bloody words (or a story of three thousand or more) is worth a thousand bucks (sometimes it may be more, and sometimes it may be less while other times it may just be worth the name and the fame, which in fact is worth a lot more that the direct 1000 bucks). Cuz one thing is for sure, misery sells and if done and marketed properly, it sells big… very very big.
Why oh why oh why? Why cannot we sell happiness? (Except when we’re telling the story of someone being happy through their misery that is) “Ah look how these street children are playing and laughing and smiling in this cold winter night?”… “This woman cannot manage a second meal a day, but she seems she’s got this sweet infectious smile in this picture.
Ain’t that how we think. Picture of smiling beautiful people are good only for desktop wallpapers, posters and ads. Happiness and fun is not news. They do get into the papers, yes. But they’re good only for the entertainment pages. Of course the cute puffy faced little smiling kid does get into the front page from time to time and then there’s those instances of celebration… festivals, elections victories and other shyt. But who’s counting?
What’s the first thing that any person shoots when he or she gets a camera, or when she or he (with a shooting instrument, I mean the image capturing kind) leaves the airport of foreign country shoot? (After the traffic or road thing on the way to the hotel).
What do you (whoever may be lonely enough or without work to actually read this shyt) shoot in the above instances? Beggars of course. Beggars, street urchins,… laborers… .anyone with torn and tattered clothes.
To be continued hopefully… … ..
Passion, my friend Shailendra keeps telling me, is all you need (for being a good photojournalist). So before I tell you why I am interested in joining this training, I would like to show you whether I have the passion for it because I believe that Shailendra was right in this matter. Passion does go a long way.
Wanting to shoot what I see has been something that I remember I wanted to do as long as I can remember. Continue reading Why I am interested (an old ap)
I cried today. Well sort of. It was just a micromininano second of ‘crying’.
There were tears in my eyes a little time before that because of this movie on HBO.
It was just a very short thing… the ‘crying’ i mean.
I don’t even remember if there was a sob. Just a micromininanopico second.
I just ‘swelled up’.
There was this incredible burst of emotions. The movie was over. The credits were over. I just sat there staring… at nothing.
Then it happened.
It just grabbed me.
Like they say a big explosion lifts up a body into the air and throws it way high before ‘gravity takes over’, or rather the force loses its force.
This was like an implosion. My organs just felt like it was being squeezed form all around. The force was crushing me. Then it went to my head… the force. Blankness continued. Then suddenly I felt like I was actually gonna cry. My life zapped through. The recent past part of my life. Well parts of the recent past of my life. It was not actually anything. It was nothing. It wasn’t the events that zapped past. It was just like an accumulation of all the emotions of the events squeezed into one small particle. Zap. And I felt like I was gonna have that big breakdown that I’d been waiting for. I prepared for all the flow of tears and sobs and everything.
I was getting ready for it all. It looked like my whole life’s disappointments was about to be squeezed and juiced out from my eyes. They were like filled with tears. Then the big force hit. Bang. And it was gone. For a tiny winy period of time the whole weight of the world was upon me. And then it was gone. The force lost its force. But it had just been of such magnitude.
And suddenly I felt free. That’s what crying is supposed to do no? Wash out all the pain and the bad things and leave the good things. And man did it clean things up! I was totally free of all my life’s bad things for a moment after that. I felt empty. I mean good empty. Emptiness is something that usually haunts me. It’s like an aura kind of thingy. Emptiness is the force that surrounds me. But this was a different emptiness. Cuz it made me feel .. err… light.
Not that I don’t like the other emptiness. I feed on the emptiness.
It all started from this beautiful lil solo from a Keanu Reaves movie. It was so beautiful. “It moved me to tears.” I just checked wikipedia and it says the movie’s called Permanent Record. The thing was so beautiful. The solo peace I mean. Well the movie was great too. The parts that I got to see. The last quarter. And it chucked out the suicide story I had been writing in my head out the window. The bits of the story that I never wrote and never probably will. Woosssh.
But man it felt good. The bit of crying. I’m still suffering some of the after effects. The small bit of ‘euphoria’. Serotonins n other hormones going straight to my head and leaving behind bits of the radioactivity.
Amazing. All I could cry and it wasn’t much. It was really nothing really. But it was everything. Amazing how everything got squeezed into an iota and it was enough. Enough for me. For now. Phooo.
Now the song, the solo was great. In the movie Lauren (Jennifer Rubin) sings it. I forgot what the credits said, so I checked imdb and it says it was song by Shea Adamson, so if any of you know where to find the solo, in youtube or places pleas do tell me. Like if anyone is reading this pathetic shyt.
Your friends may lie
The truth can come from strangers
If I knew why,
We wouldn’t be in this danger
Leaning out the window of my car
And wishing on another lucky star.
Life is long
It is not made to measure
You will go on
The same in pain and pleasure
Wondering how we ever got this far…
And wishing on another lucky star.
Life goes on
As sure as the sky
It’s come and gone
In the wink of an eye
You leave your home
In the wings of the night
You will never die.
The world is cold
The heart gets torn and tattered
The one you hold
It can be dropped and shattered
Leaning out the window of my car
And wishing on another lucky star.
-Wishing on another lucky star
Permanent Record, 1988
Saw it again and it still makes me wanna cry…
Well here’s a couple of funny bear videos i saw in YouTube when I had nothing to do (which is usually most of the time) and wasn’t sleeping (which again is most of the time) and watching TV (Ah again..MOST OF THE TIME)…..ANd it had been quite a while since i’d updated this humanforsaken place.. so took the easiest way out. ANd would you believe it…I was in the office for hours just looking at these videos…..All that time and i could have done something….nah I couldn’t I’ve lost it.
Before you (I mean there MUST be at least one person reading this no? Please please please let there be. Well Iâ€™m mail the link to a few. So I rest assured that there indeed is a YOU reading this) go â€œHey wasnâ€™t there another one with the same title down there somewhere,â€ let me say that indeed there was. (Of course I am again assuming that YOU have read that one too. Man do I have a super high opinion of myself ? Well who hasnâ€™t? Even the people with the lowest self esteem have that like â€œMan I am the worst. There is no one as bad and suck at more things than me. But I have so much potential. Why did it all go wrong and I ended up here.â€ See first the person thinks he/she is the best at being the worst and then there is the other thing.) Continue reading A bad day
When Life Bowls another Chinaman*
*for those not familiar with cricket, a chinaman is a ball bowled by a left-handed bowler to a right-handed batsman that spins from off to leg. Pretty confusing huh? First no tickets then no seats then a brief period of gentle breeze blew to give a false sense that the sailing was going be smooth now. And then it again began. Big giant waves hit. I lost my passport, then my good right ankle gives away, then misunderstanding drops me at the airport without an exit visa, a long walk. Then the visa guy says “Five days!” Next hotels won’t take me then the wheel of the suitcase goes out. And would you believe it? I get lonely and turn on the TV which has only Chinese for a sense of company.Then to top it all my backup hard drive crashes with 3.92 GBs of photo right after I format my camera card. Finally I get a computer and it’s all in Chinese.
Two guys from the shop try until near midnight but can’t and here I am eating Oriel cookies and water for breakfast, tapping away in the Chinese 60-day trial version of Microsoft Office Word 2007, changing the font to English every now and then from Chinese, on Sunday, November 11, 2007, and the final day of Tihar in Nepal (I think) at the room number 3 of the 13th floor of one of China Daily’s to 14-story ‘dormitories’ in what I hope will be the final leg of this chapter of my misadventures. Continue reading THE ILLIGAL LOSER IN PERPETUAL TRANSIT (Part I)
MaSang Sakha ChorMyan organizes Sitinin
The Adakshhya doing a sit-in-up-on-top-of above-onto-death program to display the plight of the less-chair society. Boast Photo:Baburam Notbhattarai
Disclaimer: The following report will not be understood by people outside the tkp and also inside. But just read one and wahever… And btw if you find this kinda different in styal and others then please note that than then that in this repot I have tried to conform with the expereince that I have gained in TKP and conform with our great unique styal. thank you.
Was chatting todaywith Prem, the sad dude who roots for
Everyone is always ganging up together around you, taunting you, criticizing the team for being great, just waiting for that one loss to gloat over and make you feel bad and trying to push you to lose your cool and go mad. But Iâ€™m cool with that. Thatâ€™s what you get from watching and rooting for the Oz. really. And then there is that â€˜not good for cricketâ€™ crap they keep throwing at you all the time. Is it the Aussieâ€™s fault that they are good and the rest of the world arenâ€™t. Well what if they lose tonight? Whatâ€™s gonna happen? Is that one loss gonna change the whole story? With that one loss are the Aussies not gonna be the whipperboys and balance is going to descend on the whole cricket world? Guess not. One loss is not going to change a lot. But the fact that it is a World Cup final is going to set back the rest of them.
Long ago around a year or so after
â€œ1415 BST: Dressing-room doors firmly shut at the mo, and we can only imagine what’s going on in there – Jacques Kallis practising his forward defensive in the mirror while Andre Nel is being restrained with ropes, while in the Aussie locker-room Matthew Hayden gulps down his third protein shake of the day while bench-pressing a fridge with his spare hand.â€
– Tom Fordyce, the live text commentator for BBC