Posted on November 30th, 2006 at 2:36 am by tt
They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.
- Mae West
To those women out there who are about to walk down the aisle, which in the case of the male kind of the being would be translated to walk the plank, or in case of us hindus… run around the fire which is gonna burn you here’s what great research has proved again and again and again and again through centuries and even milleniums before that….. in later days marriage cousellors, divorce courts and bars and motels… everywhere there are evidence… there is just one simple sentence that sums up a good married life for you…. it is for this that all men jump in the fire and let you obliterate us… we all let you make our goood stuff go pooooffffffff in a cloud of smoke for that bit of ooooooooffffff, hhhuuummfff anf the final wooooofff woooofff and then phooooooooooo…..
Just one sentence…. wat is it?
Women, the degreee of how much YOU get to ENJOY YOUR LIFE is extremely directly proportional to the degree of how much YOUR HUSBAND get’s to ENJOY HIS WIFE….
Really!!!
And now for you dumbass men who want some
Needles and pins, needles and pins,
When a man marries his trouble begins
-Nursery Rhyme
- Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
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– Baskins
They stood before the alter & supplied
The fire themselves in which their fat would fry
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
– David Bissonette
Deceive not thyself by over expecting happiness in the married estate. Remember the nightingales which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched their eggs.
-Thomas Fuller, Of Marriage
A good marriage would be between a blind wife & a deaf husband.
-Montaigne, Essays, III
What they do in heaven we are ignorant; but what they do not we are told expressly, that they neither marry, nor are given in marriage.
-Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects
As the husband is, the wife is: thou art mated with a clown,
And the grossness of his nature will have weight to drag thee down.
-Tennyson, Northern Farmer, New Style
A young man married is a man that’s marr’d.
-Shakespeare, All’s Well That Ends Well, II, 3
The ancient saying is no heresy,
Hanging & wiving go by destiny.
-Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice, II, 9
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In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
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– Samuel Butler
And my personnal favourite
Advice to those about to marry- DON’T
Henry Mayhew, Punch’s Almanac, 1845
Marriage is like a pair of shears, oft times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone that comes between them.
- Sydney Smith
Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
- Gary Busey
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
- King Vidor
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.
- Clint Eastwood
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
- Michel de Montaigne
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
- Unknown
The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
- Alan Patrick Herbert
Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail
- Unknown
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
- Dr. Karl Bowman
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Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.
- – Hoshang N. Akhtar
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Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
– Woody Allen
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Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
– Ray Bandy
A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
- – Baudelaire
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Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.
– Countess of Blessington
For a male and female to live continuously together is…biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.
– Robert Briffault
- Â
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My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.
- – Lenny Bruce
- – Lenny Bruce
Never tell. Not if you love your wife… In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she’ll believe it: “I’m tellin’ ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck ‘Lay on Top of Me Or I’ll Die.’ I didn’t know what I was gonna do….”
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s sixth husband. I know what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t know how to make it interesting.
– Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
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Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
- – Jim Backus
Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts
- Jeff Foxworthy
Tut Tut! But that’s what most of us end up doing..Tut Tut..
And if you have made it thus far then you are having second thoughts … so i say again, or rather, I quote Henry Mayhew again
ADVICE TO THOSE AbOUT TO MARRY
DON’T
NOTE:
—Walk the Plank—
Meaning
Form of execution used on 18th century sailing ships.
Origin
People had to walk, hands tied, off a plank of wood and into the sea to their certain death. Often used as a dramatic device in pirate stories and films but probably not very commonly in reality.
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Comment by shaker — December 14, 2006 @ 8:10 pm