Posted on December 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 am by tt
The flames are all gone, but the pain lingers on.
-Goodbye Blue Sky
Waters, Pink Floyd
What a day! First in the morning I did wake up at six to go for the ad classes but I had not had enough sleep and I did not feel all right to go ride my bike to Putali Sadak in what would have been the my first class in four days… I mean I had paid Rs 5,000 of the little that goes into my bank account as salary for this 15 day advertising course and I three days had already gone since the classes started and i hadn’t managed to attend any. This time I was really sure I would. Well I was pretty sure I would in all those days. But having just three/four hours of sleep under my eye, my limbs did not feel right. So predictably, I did not go, again. You know that feeling when you dark circle feels dusty and extremely dark, you really feel your joints… every joint in your joint, your mind is very numby and every muscle feels stiff. A very not so advisable form to go out in. Worst case scenario would be nodding during the class and worster would be nodding off while driving.
It was that and the very simple reason that I am a bloody sloth, a bloody lazy lazy lazy sloth. So I did not go. I got a phone call later on asking whether I intended to come at all. The guy’s voice was really angry and surprised. He couldn’t comprehend that there would be any one like me. I gave the “Had to work in the office till 2 last night so couldn’t make it. Will it be on on Saturday? No? Then Sunday will I be there,” routine. Same same. Been using that so many places. Works none of the time. One of my worst excuses but got no other for a particular situation like this.
After that it was the Ashes match that was not going my way. The Aussies had got three by that time. The third pommie had gone up at 158. But that was all. Plus Warne was getting a pasting. Bad bad bad. Very bad indeed. Very extremely bad. Not good for me at all.
Next up was mom’s mobile. Was waiting for a pommie wicket to go and what went was mom’s MotoRazor V3. It literally went down. It popped up up from her bag and went down down down and hit the wet bathroom tile. Not really a good place was this chinese-inta-on-the-outsideko ghar at Shanti Basti, Madhyapur Thimi-16, Bhaktapur District, Kathmandu Valley, Bagmati Zone, Central Development Region, Nepal, South…………………………..
What happened next was even worse. I had a fight with Rubi. It was a day after her date birthday. I wanted to make the day before to be really special and then this one too as it was still December 30 in America. But because it was me on whom that responsibility lay, neither was special. It WAS special but in the most negative way that it could be. Damn. Why am I such a sucker, such a loser? I do this to everything.
By ‘this’ I mean destroy! It used to be walkmans, cameras, tape recorders, amps, speakers, car batteries and then the car, torch lights, dolls, plants, everything. Everything! Electronic, digital, simply mechanic or as in the last case with fleshy living parts. Although the plants, insects and the garden I destroyed as a child were done totally intentionally. I used to make wars between them and finish of them all. I even microwave a succulent plant leaf to see it explode. Maybe that destroyed the Microwave. Well that was then. In the later part of my life something else got added. Humans. And relationships. Every type. And spirits. Everyone’s spirits. Dreams, plans, life especially my own. Any of those that comes in contact with my Aura is screwed up. Especially me and myself. I have this destructive bunch of particles surrounding me. Inside me. Everywhere in my vicinity and inside. I screw up everything. What is the scientific astronomical word used to describe something like me? I forgot. Now astronomical dreams, another part of me that I destroyed. I mean both in the literal and metaphorical meaning of the word astronomical. Now all I have are write big stories of my future in my mind. And the stories manage to stay fiction. That means they never materialize.
Back to this one. I really wanted to make it good. She’d planned birthday picnic for me two months ago. But I spoiled it by having other things to do and then being late. And in the end it rained. So we just ended up going to Park something on the way to Budanilkantha. A pretty posh place that one. Ate and came back. And had some arguments. Well spoiled the story she’d written about that day too. See the intensely flammable periphery. Burns every one and their lives, emotions stories and all the good stuff and everything else. Pooof. And no it’s not the good genie that’s coming out of the smoke.
She’d got some takeouts packed. With teary eyes she just handed them to me when I dropped her. I took it home. A cake some and some other stuff. I ate em by myself in the next few days until one of them got really stale, just kicking my self and able to do nothing. So I had planned to do something similar for her. Well not like the same way my happened I meant the way she’d planned it in her head for me. But my usual reasons and International AIDS day destroyed that and the fight destroyed this day - December 30 in Amrika.
Now the next thing on the bad day list. Dad’s 800*450*710mm aquarium slipped from the hands of the guys carrying it and hit the smashed marble n concrete floor in the balcony and smash - one side got shattered. One of the guys slipped on a little wet floor and the thing fell just a few inches but that was enough. And the freaky thing I just realized is that this happened just less than two metres from my door that would mean within a five metre radius of where I was at most at that time. Man that destructive aura thing is really freaking me out.
to be continued’
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to nought or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I’d something more to say.
-Time
Pink Floyd
Viewed 4327 times by 727 viewers
